I made a mistake at work

I didn't tank a client's website, break anything, or harm a relationship. In fact, it only peripherally had to do with my client work at all.

The mistake I made was that over the last few months is that I haven't trusted myself and I've allowed my confidence to deteriorate to near zero, forcing me to second guess my decisions and bring every question to my manager and director. They don't have time for that and my manager made that very clear while sprinkling a little "hey, you got this, but you need to turn it around sooner rather than later" pep talk.

I could spew thousands of words about why my confidence cratered and what caused it, but that isn't relevant. What's relevant is that the people I directly report to are seeing a pattern that they need me to work on. And to be honest, as humbling (truly humbling) as it was getting that feedback this week, my work and my attitude at work improved steadily over the last three days of the week, and here's why:

I Tapped Into Creativity

I have been raging against the idea that I am a marketer for as long as I have been in marketing (coming up on 11 years), but guess what? As much as I might not want to admit it, I'm a marketer. I realized that this week and remembered what it meant to be a marketer.

In marketing, there are best practices but there is no concrete playbook. Every client is too varied, the passage of time brings new technologies and preferences, and no two target audiences are the same.

It took me 11 years and a supportive-but-stern talking to by my manager to remind me that I, as a marketer, need to tap into my creativity and provide my clients with work I stand behind and believe in. Will my theories or ideas prove valuable and provide my client with the best return on their SEO investment possible? Will I be known as one of the preeminent SEOs in the world because of my incredible ingenuity and know-how? Almost definitely not. But I will never be a serviceable SEO without confidence in my own abilities and creativity.

I Tapped into Confidence

I spent the first seven months of my current job worried my work wasn't to the liking of my director and I found myself in a rut without confidence. I spent the last three work days believing that I knew what I was doing and that I could providevalue for my clients, and I did just that. I took the wheel and started steering the ship.

I have been saying for months that I wish I could be the one making the decisions and driving the strategies for my clients. As it turns out, that's exactly what my manager wanted me to do, too.

I needed to hear the feedback she gave me. I needed that kick in the pants. And I'm better for it.

I don't know that I am going to be everything my company hopes I can be. I don't even know if I'll be able to outrun my imposter syndrome (one of my oldest professional friends. We'll circle back to them in another post.) but I know that at this point I am confident to do things the way I think will be valuable to my clients. I am confident to bring up an idea to them and explain my reasoning behind it.

I might lose my job somewhere down the road, but it won't be because I didn't take the reins and provide my clients with work I am proud of.

I made a mistake at work and I'm starting to think it might end up as one of the best things to happen to me in my career.